It is another fine hot day to write another “table shaking “post. The question above reminds me of the phrase “cool, calm and collected”. Yet, too much of a good thing is bad. When you are cold and aloof, people tend to flock to you. Of course, that is preposterous! People will back up or make a dash for it.
Even so, I am not writing about introverted people but those whose emotional distance have caused “general wahala” (“wahala” means trouble) in their lives. So let us start the rumble game (dah dah deedum).
1. Are you content with being distant from your family despite their efforts of trying to get close to you (and by your admission, they are good people, yet you do not see a need for having a close family bond)?
2. Are you content or fine with being alone?
3. Do you seek activities that do not involve people?
4. Does your spouse or partner complain of you avoiding intimacy?
5. Do you lack a desire for intimacy?
6. Do your colleagues complain that you tend to avoid them and that you avoid team activities?
7. Do you feel the world should leave you alone and let you enjoy your solitude?
8. Do you feel flat, wooden sometimes?
If you are having a hard time conjuring an image , I mean someone who feels bland and numb almost all the time. He /She does not like to be around other people even if they are family. Being vulnerable and intimate is something they avoid at all costs not because they are paranoid or narcissistic,they do not have the emotional need to connect with another human being. Most of the time,they do not feel any significant discomfort that they are unable to initiate and sustain friendships,the problem usually starts with jobs or academic activities that require team-work. Others who cannot recognize symptoms of a personality pattern will misjudge the person as aloof,arrogant ,lacking any positive vibes and the epithets go on.
For these people,it is not their fault.They would have hugged or bared their soul to that spouse or family member who needed or wanted the emotional connection with someone they love but they just cannot do it. They describe themselves as if they are living inside a dream.Their fantasy world is very developed,they can play and live in their world of imagination ,creating different characters to interact with.They also do not pick on social cues or follow social conventions.So it is a cycle that impede social development.
Empathy plays a key role in helping people with these personality traits and it has been shown that programs that teach self-awareness, mindfulness and incremental behavioural modifcation are the best. Also career programs that suit their personality style and encourage incremental scaled down interactions with others might help.
For more resources and help,please check out these resources: https://www.psychiatry.org